I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
