Do you still have your period?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
