need another drink. this is the easiest way
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
