he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize