I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
