Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
