maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
