Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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