All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize