Me too!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
