I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
