I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
