I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
