Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
