A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
