I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
