This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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