That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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