I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
