we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
