I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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