I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
