Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
