Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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