Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is Oprah even human
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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