problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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