yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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