I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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