so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
