Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
