My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
