I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
