He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
