WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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