I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
