last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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