so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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