he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
