my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
