I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
