Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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