You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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