I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
