I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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