fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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