Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
