Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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