I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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