I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
