evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
