hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
