Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
