I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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