the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
