It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
