I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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