Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
