Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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