Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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