so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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