I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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