i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
