I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
