kristin has been a bad kristin
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
