I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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