then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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