hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
