thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
