I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
