i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
