I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
