Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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