i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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