That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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