yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
