I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
