Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
