oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
